moi

Rich Dad's Guide to Investing

2011-08-17T23:41:00.003+08:00

I am glad that I've managed to start reading again recently. I walked, unintendedly, into Borders and came back out with more than a hundred dollars worth of books. Of the books I bought, one of them was Rich Dad's Guide to Investing. Having read Robert Kyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad some years ago, I knew that he would do me good and I wasn't disappointed.

To prevent a repeat of his story; forgetting what his lessons were in the first book, I've decided to write down what I gathered from his third book.

The central idea driving his book is the 90/10 Rule; the notion that 10% of the world's population controls 90% of the wealth. The objective of his book is therefore to help the 90% join the 10 and change the balance of wealth in the world.

One of the most important thing is to first want to get rich. It is a problem of mentality. Very often we are unable to get rich because we think like poor people. The rich looks very differently at the world and one must start thinking like the rich in order to get rich.

However, having understood the issue with mentality, it is not necessary to pen it down here. I intend instead to make this post a reminder in the future of what I should do in the future should I forget the more practical steps to get rich.

More practically, here is what I think he taught us to do:

1) Get more financial education. All the riches in the world is useless if one does not know how to harvest it. Financial education allows the person to learn more about the avenues to get rich and the ways to grow wealth. Financial education also equals control. Having more financial knowledge ensures that all endeavours are calculated risks and going blindly into investment makes the so-called investor a gambler and nothing more. Hence, the chance of winning or striking it rich is no higher than buying the lottery every week. Almost zilch.

2) Know the difference between asset and liability. Anything that makes you more money is an asset and anything that makes you lose money is a liability. Before buying anything, make sure that it will make you money. Do not waste money on anything that does not bring in an income, like a yacht, or a car, or a million tons of other luxury items. However, keeping this point in mind, it is entirely possible, I realise, to make a liability into an asset. For example, we often say a car is a liability. However, if that car is a useful tool that allows one to make more business and clinch more deals, then it is not a liability but an asset because one was not able to make those money without a car.

3) Know good expense and good debts from bad expenses and bad debts. Money spent is not a bad thing if it is money well-spent. Do not be unduly attached to money because it is only a tool that should be working for you. Too much importance placed on money makes one a slave to it and lose the bigger picture of being rich. If one earns $1000 and half of it is put in a business and other investments and one is left with barely enough to spend every month, one could still be getting richer. For me, this means that I need to very soon go and start investing my money in stocks and shares and other vehicles even if that would make me seemingly very poor.

4) Prioritise properly. To be rich, one must put in order of importance this way:
a. To be rich
b. To be comfortable
c. To be secure
However, to carry out the plan, first make oneself secure. Buy insurance to cover all areas of need such as accident, hospitalisation, illnesses, disability and death. Insurance is something necessary to have but hopefully never to need. Do not see it as an unnecessary waste of valuable money. After that is covered, make plans to be secure, put money with financial advisors and fund managers to ensure a reasonable return on money put in that could guarantee a comfortable retirement and life in case of inability to work due either to old age or other reasons. Again, these expenses are good expenses.

After these grounds are covered, now make plans to invest. Here it is the best to start a business. One does not have to be able to afford more assets if his business can afford it for him. Start businesses or investments which will yield income and use the money earned to buy more assets and let the money roll itself in.

5)Make plans. Always make plans. Make plans to get rich, make plans for if those plans fail, make plans for if those plans succeed, make plans for when you suddenly become poor and make plans for when one suddenly becomes rich and think of how to re-channel those money into making more. When there is a plan, one will also be able to become richer and richer.

6)Money is not needed to start rolling in money. Ideas, rather than money, are what earns money, and ideas are free. With the advent of the Internet, it has become ever so easy to start a business.

After writing so much, I still think the points are not empirical enough. Even more concretely, this is what I am going to do.

1) Watch out for any financial classes I can join and attend them. Learn more, the more I learn, the more I know, the less risk I have, the more I can adapt to ever-changing ideas and economics.

2) Call my financial advisers and insurance agents and make sure I have all my bases covered in terms of insurance and security coverage.

3) Ask those same people to suggest financial and investment plans. Look at all of them, listen to what each has to say, and start buying. And when the next income tax comes, make sure I know which ones can be used for tax deductions. The rich use their money to buy investments and then get taxed on the remaining income which usually is not much. That's why they get richer. The poor gets taxed and is left with little before they can even think of buying anything, that's why they remain poor.

4) Work full-time but start a business part-time. Think of an idea or improve something that someone else is already doing. Ideas don't make to be new, they just have to be better. Save on start-up cost by thinking of something that can be done using the Internet. Find my friends and join forces.

Consumption

2011-07-17T00:03:00.002+08:00

For the past year and more, I have been consumed by one thing, and one thing only.

I no longer write about other areas of my life; that, is not right. We must never be consumed only by one thing.

I must pick up my pen again.

The pen writes words.
Words express ideas.
Ideas come from thought.
And what is a man, if not his thoughts?
For Descartes has put it succintly: Je pense, donc je suis.
And from those thoughts, will arise actions.
From actions, we have the future.

It has come to this

2010-03-11T23:49:00.004+08:00

"Same same but different" was the kind blessings my friend has given me.

Two times I had to go through the same shit. Same things to do, same problems, same near results, same mediator even.

Tomorrow will be my last day, or first. Will be really be "same same but different", or just "same same"?
Even if it's the former, I heard it only gets worse from there. So the wrong move started way back in 2007, or 2008, or even 2006, depending on how you look at it.

But it seems to be a bad move nonetheless. I have only myself to blame. So many chances to get out and with each step I plunged deeper in. Now all is set in stone, at least the damages are.

Although I have achieved a "Zen-ness" of sorts, some problems are still real. This "Zen-ness" only made the decision to just let it be and turn a new direction more tempting.

Whatever the result is, at least I think I won't be in for the long haul, not really.

Sleeping Beau

2010-03-07T12:59:00.002+08:00

And so it is, that I should sleep for over a day, after my previous post.

The weekend has come and gone, in a state of unconsciousness. From 5 am I slept, till the early afternoon, when I woke to work. Work took barely two hours, as I fall back asleep.

I missed dinner, and I missed Arsenal's victory, to find myself drifting in and out of consciousness this morning at 8.

I need my sleep.

2010-02-24T15:21:00.000+08:00

SAN DIEGO, California (AFP) - – What starts with an "s" that seniors need more of than younger adults, is great to get a bit of in the middle of the day and could cause teens to turn to drugs if they don't get enough of it?

The answer is sleep, according to several studies presented at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.

A study conducted by researchers at the University of California San Diego (UCSD) found that 68-year-old adults, on average, did better on a simple memory test if they got more sleep.

In younger adults, aged 27 years on average, the quality of sleep also affected how they performed on the same test.

"What mattered in the younger adults was sleep efficiency -- that the sleep was consolidated into one solid chunk," said Sean Drummond, a professor at UCSD's department of psychiatry who led the study, adding that sleeping soundly and uninterruptedly happens less and less frequently with age.

"The most common change in sleep as we age is you wake up in the middle of the night and you're awake for some time, meaning you have lower sleep efficiency," Drummond said.

"In the older adults what we found is that waking up in the middle of the night did not affect brain function or performance the next day but if a young adult did that, it had significant detrimental effects on brain function," he said.

Another study looked at the possible benefits of napping.

"Our question first was could you get the same benefits from a short daytime nap as a full night of sleep," said Sara Mednick, also from UCSD's department of psychiatry.

"We started looking over a number of different tests beginning with a visual learning test, which showed that if you had a 90 minute nap you showed the same level of benefit as a full night of sleep," Mednick said.

"There's something very special about naps," she said.

But not everyone has the luxury of being able to catch a few Zs in the middle of the day, and as a substitute, many seek a caffeine boost.

But a double espresso works less well than a 20-minute nap, said Mednick.

"On some tasks, such as those involving perceptual memory, caffeine works as well as a nap," said Mednick.

"But when the task involves the hippocampus, the area of the brain devoted to explicit memories you can manipulate consciously, such as learning a list of words or a phone number or name, with caffeine, your memory for those kinds of tasks is decreased," she said.

Meanwhile, another study found that "two significant clinical and public health problems, sleep disorders and drug use in teens" are closely inter-twined.

Not only are teens who sleep less than seven hours a day more likely to do drugs, but they are also likely to pass both their bad sleep and drug-use behavior to friends and siblings. Related article: Study links lack of sleep to drug use among teens

"An adolescent who does not get enough sleep can influence a friend's sleep behavior, which increases the risk that the friend will use drugs," the study says.

Researchers at UCSD and Harvard University found that teens with a friend who sleeps less than seven hours a night are 11 percent more likely to sleep less than seven hours themselves and 19 percent more likely to use marijuana than teens whose friends get a good night's kip.

The US National Sleep Foundation recommends that teens get at least 8.5 hours of sleep and that adults, both younger and older, get at least seven hours.

The study was the first to find that poor sleep habits and drug use spread through teenagers' social networks "like a contagion," extending to up to four degrees of separation -- or to friends of friends of friends of friends.

My Way

2010-02-23T23:31:00.002+08:00

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!

[instrumental]

Yes, it was my way

CNY 2010

2010-02-16T15:49:00.003+08:00

Another year has come and gone. These shelves that were just standing against the wall were finally put up.

It was something I told myself I must do this year, amongst many other things. Chinese New Year is a welcomed break to the monotony of things, of life. More than just the food, ang baos, gathering and time off, it was, in itself, a harbinger of getting things in order and changes to come.

Change, however, occurs when Man makes it. All the promises of change amounts to nothing if we do not carry it out. At the last day of CNY, I have not made any changes except this wall and these shelves. I am still not in order, nor those other areas of my life.

Whoever is it that said that the only constant in life is change? Haven't you heard that nothing's changed?

Excuses

2010-02-09T00:08:00.003+08:00

ex⋅cuse /v. ɪkˈskyuz; n. ɪkˈskyus/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [v. ik-skyooz; n. ik-skyoos]

–noun
1. an explanation offered as a reason for being excused; a plea offered in extenuation of a fault or for release from an obligation, promise, etc.

2. a ground or reason for excusing or being excused.

3. the act of excusing someone or something.

4. a pretext or subterfuge.

5. an inferior or inadequate specimen of something specified.

EXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSESEXCUSES

Reflection

2010-02-07T22:38:00.002+08:00

I am now writing my lesson reflections for the past weeks. The reflections include not only lesson preparations, it also includes lesson execution and any other aspects of day to day school life.

I was looking at my notes from the conferences with my mentors and remembered that for one of the lessons, my plans were horrible, with important information missing and timing all wrong.

I knew how it happened. I was writing it as I drifted in and out of consciousness. That is one of the reasons why I have not been submitting lesson plans on time. I keep falling asleep, either during my free time or while writing them.

When I was younger it didn't matter. I was proud of the fact that I could sleep anywhere. It was part of my ruggedness and I saw it as a mark of a man. Now that I am assuming the responsibilities of an adult and bear the consequences of tens of thousands of debt, it frightens me.

I know that fatigue, both mental and physical, is one of the symptoms of spherocytosis. It is only logical; there is consistently insufficient amount oxygen to go anywhere. I also have an inappropriate amount of blood waste in my body.

But I have not allowed it to impair my life. I took part in marathons and play sports regularly because I wanted to prove that I will not be handicapped. I am still sore from the fact that I was dropped from the air force and I want to show them that I am not affected by this little lack of blood.

But mentally it is taking its toll. Mental fatigue is far worse than physical fatigue. Its mark is in the state of somnolence. I cannot, for the sake of my life, keep myself awake. I have been fighting sleep for these weeks of practicum. Each night is marked by alternate half-hour periods of sleep and wakefulness. In the end, I go to work each day as if I had not slept the night before.

More importantly, my work is not getting done properly. Both the preparations and the execution. I seem to move around in a state of semi-consciousness, occasionally roused awake by people talking to me.

I wanted to tell this to the people I am working under. But I find myself unable to do so. I am worried that it is just a convenient excuse for my inefficiency. Even if it were true, it is not a valid excuse other than for them to ask me to leave the service, adding another fifty thousand to my mountain of debt.

I am also afraid that the day I acknowledge it as the reason for my uselessness, I would turn to it whenever I have trouble completing anything instead of trying my best.

I have stopped going to the doctors ages ago. They could do nothing but give me iron pills and vitamins. There is nothing much I could do about this except a splenectomy but that causes problems of its own.

Everything is taking a turn towards the worst. I never saw myself being this despondent, but it is happening. I never wanted to just let things go so much. In less serious cases, I feel like quitting this job and just taking the debt in my stride. In more serious cases, I just feel like letting things go, period. It isn't so much the job, though it is not an easy job, but the realisation that this problem might be with me no matter what I do.

I have to give myself credit. I do not just say fuck it and go work everyday not ready. I do not just give this as an excuse and not work. I try and I try and I try and I try.

But when do I stop trying?

雖然我願意

2010-02-01T02:21:00.001+08:00

After a long search, I've finally found it.

You, being you, were and are still so beautiful.

The Sabbath

2010-01-31T14:19:00.009+08:00

"And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made."

- Genesis 2:2-3

Some people claim that according to the Scriptures, the week ends on Saturday when God rested from creation, other subscribe to the modern, and Gregorian calenders which end the week on Sunday.

Though the actual seventh day, the Sabbath, of the week has been much debated, the lesson to draw from this is the same, to have a day of rest after a week of work.

In this modern society where work and deadlines and engagements never seem to end, how many of us take this time off to recharge ourselves? As it goes, it has become a national issue in Singapore where the headlines in the past few days have been about needing to work efficiently and to shift the working styles from putting in long hours to putting in those hours in a smart manner.

Linked to that is the discussion on whether S.Korea's proposal to black out the cities to make people stop work and produce babies would be a viable solution here in Singapore . When the general working culture is that of work and people bringing work back home, forcing them to stop work is nothing more than a change of location; a result already evident in France where the 35-hour work week has been in force for some years.

In my case, I don't want much. I only want a day a week to sleep in, have Sunday brunch with my loved ones, sit around sipping coffee, reading, play football, and then sleep early. We should all take a page from the old Man up there.

Rest and bless the day.

Lifestyle Tips: Is Multi-Tasking Making You Ill?

2010-01-31T14:04:00.003+08:00

When there just aren't enough hours in the day to juggle job, family, friends and the housework, do yourself a favour and stop trying so hard.

In between holding down a couple of careers, wiping runny noses, sitting on a handful of do-gooding committees, trying to look passably well-groomed and attempting to tame a garden that constantly threatens to turn into Sleeping Beauty's, my best friend and I occasionally find a moment for a brief e-mail exchange. (We live just two streets away from each other, yet hardly spend more time face-to-face than we did when 200 miles separated us.)

Among the 500 or so e-mails that land in my inbox each week, there's an inspirational thought which I sent to my pal for light relief recently. It read: "The best way to get things done is to do one task at a time."

"Hah!", she wrote back at 11 pm after putting her daughter to bed, leafing through some paint charts, folding the laundry and finishing a freelance commission. "Obviously written by a man!".

Whether we call ourselves jugglers or multitaskers, the more we manage to do at once, the more we congratulate ourselves. We iron with a phone tucked under our chin. Grab a sandwich and eat it while working. I'm ashamed to admit I've even been known to snack 'n' drive – once being forced to change gears unexpectedly with my hand in a bag of lobster-flavoured crisps.

"Multitasking" was a phrase first minted (in Silicon Valley) to describe computers that could run more than one program at a time. But in the 21st century, we've all become human multitaskers. And, no question, women are better at it than men. Studies have shown that women use both hemispheres of the brain – while men tend to use one, so they're more "compartmentalised", tending to focus on one thing at a time.

Bestselling "I Don't Know How She Does It" author Allison Pearson sums it up: "We're wired differently. It must be something to do with Early Woman being a gatherer – needing to pick berries while keeping an ear out for the kids and planning what we're going to have for dinner at that cave party a week from Tuesday."

However, research suggests that multitasking might be bad for our memories and our wellbeing. The stress of doing too many things at once can not only strain the brain, but set us up for a raft of physical problems, too.

Dr David Meyer, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan who specialises in cognition and perception, insists, "Chronic multitasking over the years poses a strong risk for ultimate brain damage. As we force ourselves to bounce from task to task, we generate stress. Body and mind gear up to cope by releasing adrenaline. This powerful medicine is good for a crisis – but on an ongoing basis, it's hard on the brain and body."

Stress hormones divert energy from the part of our brain that forms memory (including the hippocampus) to the parts of the body needed for the "fight-or-flight" response. Long-term, this stress can lead to permanent shrinkage of the hippocampus.

What's more, Dr Meyer observed that multitaskers are losing the ability to concentrate. Viz my friend Kate's admission: "I spend more and more time in the office each morning 'going round in my basket' like a dog settling, before I can crack on with my day."

According to Dr Marcel Just, who's researching ageing at Carnegie Mellon University in the US, that's because "there's only so much mental capacity to go around." If you run too many programs at once on a computer, it tends to crash. Ditto human memory – which is what regularly happens to another of my friends Manic Janet, working mother of five-year-old twins: "I was ironing a shirt and the phone went, and then I looked out of the window and thought I'd go and pick a bunch of flowers. I then smelled burning coming from the kitchen – and I'd burnt an iron-shaped hole in my best Nicole Farhi shirt."

Multitaskers also tend to sleep badly, which not only impacts on our immune system, but can increase the likelihood of other stress-related health problems like heart disease.

It's time to reclaim the idea of mono-tasking, that quaint idea of doing one thing at a time. It might just turn out to save our health, wellbeing and our relationships. (And I might get to spend time with my best friend, instead of typing messages to her at 5am).

HOW TO UN-MULTITASK
Not all multitaskers are created equal, so if you want to detox your tasking routine, it helps to take a customised approach. Make one small change at a time. If you give up multitasking completely, you'll be on overload again before you know it.

• The Culture Vulture So much to read (and watch, and listen to) – and so little time. You skim through the newspaper while watching "Desperate Housewives" and beside your bed is a teetering pile of Sunday supplements and mail-order catalogues that you only really attend to when it avalanches to the floor.
The Detox Will the world be any different if you only buy one Sunday paper? Each morning, earmark one or two TV programmes that you'd really like to watch that night and have a long, indulgent girlie chat with a friend rather than squeeze her in while channel-surfing.

• The Office Juggler You pride yourself on being able to cope with whatever your day (or boss) throws at you – but in reality, projects pile up and only get finished when there's a deadline. You probably get in early and stay late, too, to keep on top of your e-mails.

The Detox First, clear your desk so that it's easier to focus on each project. (A carefully-labelled hanging file under your desk is better than a mountain of folders.) Block out periods of time to work on specific projects. But never go more than 90 minutes without a break, because the brain needs time to recharge. Set aside 15-minute chunks, a few times a day, to deal with e-mail, rather than keeping it permanently open – and get a spam filter, so you're not spending time deleting irrelevant info.

• The Domestic Perfectionist You bend over backwards to make sure your home looks like something out of one of those glossy homes magazines you subscribe to. You have a pile of vintage curtains just waiting to be turned into gorgeous cushions, and spend hours spritzing your linen with lavender water. But there are piles of things behind the sofa because you never quite finish tidying one space before moving on to the next – and that mountain of ironing just keeps getting higher.

The Detox Remind yourself that the homes in magazines don't look like that for more than about five minutes. (It takes a stylist and much grooming to get camera-ready, and invariably, just out of shot, there's a vast pile of junk. If not, the place is inhabited by aliens.) Slow down, take a breath and ask yourself: Which is more important, a perfect home, or health and happiness? Buy less, so there's less to tidy. Try folding clothes when they're straight out of the drier, to save time at the ironing board. And why not pay someone to make those pretty cushions for you?

• The Crazed Cook Your kitchen walls are lined with cookbooks and Saturdays are spent dashing around town seeking out tamarind paste. You're constantly tearing recipes out of magazines – but never seem to get round to creating them. In fact, the last time you spent all evening in the kitchen, stirring, pouring, flambéing and crisping with your blowtorch you were ready to collapse.

The Detox Sign up for the Slow Food movement (slowfood.com). Or think like a Frenchwoman: buy the starter, or dessert, so that you're less frazzled and can actually enjoy your friends' company. Enlist their help – dressing the salad, pouring the wine. Have a ruthless cull of your cookbooks, keeping only the books that you refer to time and again. Author Shirley Conran was right when she said that life really is too short to stuff a mushroom.

My Condolences

2010-01-16T16:17:00.005+08:00

My dear friends,

You know I am not the emotional kind, nor the best person to sympathise with other people's feelings.

I know not how you are taking it. I assume it's hurting, for I know the two of you as sensitive men, though none of you have shown anything, and you have assured me that you are alright.

You have my condolences. May the old man rest in peace and find bliss in another life.

Loon

What happens in the classroom?

2010-01-16T14:45:00.003+08:00

What happens in the classroom is difficult to handle.

As a teacher, you have to know it all.
Not just what you are teaching. But also what is happening.

You have to know every word on the slides.
Every word in the worksheets.

You have to know every student.
Who is good, who is bad, who catches things fast, who needs more explanations.
Who is sleepy, who is restless. Who gets distracted, who distracts.
Who likes to daydream, who likes to loiter.

You must have a plan; a plan that details the processes in class.
You must work according to plan, a timing given is a timing to be followed.
You must be flexible. Timings must be changed according to the events that occur.

You must answer, you must also question.
You must repeat, but you must not bore.
You must model. At the same time, inspire individuality.

You must prescribe, but they must be self-directed learners.

Teaching is an art, and a science.
To teach, you must know everything.

I don't.

好累

2010-01-14T22:05:00.003+08:00

好累，感觉就是好累。

有时什么都不想，只想离开。
什么都不做，只想睡。

睡着了，就不用再醒来。
不醒，就什么都不用想。

人生短短几十年，又何须在意那几年。
多几年不多，少几年不少。

Profanity

2009-12-26T08:16:00.003+08:00

fuck /fʌk/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [fuhk] Show IPA Vulgar.
–verb (used with object)
1. Slang. to treat unfairly or harshly.

–interjection
2. Slang. (used to express anger, disgust, peremptory rejection, etc., often fol. by a pronoun, as you or it.)

–noun
3. Slang. a person, esp. one who is annoying or contemptible.
4. the fuck, Slang. (used as an intensifier, esp. with WH-questions, to express annoyance, impatience, etc.)

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Moshi Cover

2009-12-15T01:18:00.003+08:00

This laptop cover arrived for me while I was away. It is a very classy, and also overdue cover for my MacBook Pro.

I saw it at Sim Lim and it was going for $189. As much as I love to protect my belongings, it was not a price I was ready to pay. In this information age however, the producers are no longer the sovereign. I found it online for USD$65.

Including shipping, it costs around $100. I don't know if I could get it for cheaper but half-price is good enough for me. Now it looks beautiful.

Diving in Krabi

2009-12-15T00:54:00.005+08:00

I am now a PADI Advanced Openwater Diver. I did it, bringing my diving education to another level.

This trip wasn't all about diving, although diving took a big part of it. It was also about my promise to myself that I will travel every six months. It was also about taking a breath of fresh air to ready myself for the coming work year.

True to my style, I managed to keep everything to a budget of $900+, including air tickets, accommodation and the diving course. In fact it would have been a lot cheaper, the course itself took around $500.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself on this trip, even though it was very short. Two days went to diving and the rest went to people-watching, reading and just enjoying the sea breeze on the beach.

I didn't feel that I learnt much from the course. I did Peak Performance Buoyancy, Naturalist, Deep, Navigation, and Boat Diving. Boat diving is nothing new, since all my dive trips so far had been from boats. Naturalist wasn't anything since I could still barely recognise the fishes I see. Navigation wasn't anything I didn't already know, except for understanding the effects of current. Peak Performance Buoyancy was something I really looked forward to as I felt that It was something useful and important for me to know in order to really appreciate the underwater world, but that too was disappointing. Deep diving was the most apprehensive for me as I didn't know how my body would react due to my condition but we only went down to 22 metres.

With all that said, it was not that I did not enjoy the diving. It was afterall, still a lot of fun and it opened up a whole world of possibilities now that I am certified an Advanced Diver. I just felt that I could have gotten more from it. Still, it adds to my experience and allows me to get better with practice.

One other thing that was disappointing, was that I didn't manage to do a wreck dive because they didn't want to conduct a Super Day dive, going to Shark Point, Anemone Reef and the Kingfisher Wreck. Also, I didn't get to see the sharks that so many others did.

Overall though, I still enjoyed myself. The first 3 days was travelling alone, which was really good. I didn't have to take care of anyone, wake up when I didn't want to, nor accommodate to others who had different interest, a.k.a. shopping.

The next few days was joined by Jeannie. It was nice too. The fact that she was quite a sport and didn't mind just sitting around wasting time, nor eating from eat local stores and walking around exploring made travelling with her very nice. For that I thank her. Of course, it helped that there was finally someone who could help me take pictures that included me in it.

Unlike HCMC last year, I could struck Krabi off my list of places visited. But I probably would go back again, at least till I explore the wreck.

Another Death

2009-12-15T00:41:00.003+08:00

There has been a lot of deaths around me.

I returned from Krabi today, to be informed that a neighbour has died. Though we have been living in the same block our whole lives, we didn't become close friends.

Still, being a fellow rider, we often saw each other at the carpark. Sometimes, we would speak for some time on bikes and road trips.

He was a nice person, very friendly and kind, often giving me advice on riding. I often saw him with his mom, taking her on rides and sending her to places, because she had been ill with cancer and is now very frail. Out of three siblings, I only saw him do that.

His death come out in the papers. From the articles, I realised that he had been a real fighter in life. From a poor background and with a less than average childhood, he managed to get an honours degree and was working for A*Star. That place is hard to get in.

These things we never talked about and I never knew about him. From our interactions, however, I know only that he remained grounded and was a solid person. The worst was behind him, and the best was to come.

Alas, heaven would not let him have his way and he will never get to enjoy the fruits of his labour.

Dear friend, I hope you would be reaping what's owed to you in your next life, if there is one. I will miss hearing and seeing you coming back and parking in the lot beside me.

Rest in peace.

My Sister's Keeper

2009-12-15T00:36:00.004+08:00

I watched this film in Krabi, where the guesthouse I stayed in put on movies every night.

It's been a while since I cried watching a movie and I couldn't believe how emotionally charged this movie is. When dealing with death, when is it time for people to let go?

It reminded me of Murakami's quote, "Life exists not as an opposite, but a part of life."

Today's trivial

2009-12-08T05:11:00.003+08:00

Today's trivial is purely psychological; I heard about this in the university's introductory course to psychology before and vaguely remembered it.

Today's topic is about projection. In simple and layman's term, projection is putting your own thoughts across as somebody else's, to yourself. Sounds confusing? Well, here's an example: Boy likes girl. Boy projects his thoughts as girl's. Boy thinks girl likes boy.

Projection is usually associated with negative feelings, though not necessarily always so.

"Paleo-anthropologically speaking, this faculty probably had survival value as a self-defense mechanism when homo sapiens' intellectual capacity to detect deception in others improved to the point that the only sure hope to deceive was for deceivers to be self-deceived and therefore behave as if they were being truthful."

- Wikipedia

To this end, I had an epiphany today. What if a part of my life is a deception, nothing more than projection of my own feelings unto others? Have I been deceived for a large part of my life, believing what I believed to be true but was actually false?

Since I am largely capable of deceiving myself, who am I to believe? When even the last bastion in a world of innocence lost is no longer capable of protecting me?

Have I been living a life of lies, woven by my mind, nothing but a figment of my imagination? Am I to regress and subscribe to the Meditations of René Descartes and believe that je pense donc je suis, but for everything else, I could never be sure?

2nd Try

2009-12-07T00:50:00.004+08:00

I did it again.

For the second year in a row I completed the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon.

With less training than last year, I went for the marathon hoping for a better timing. Instead of just running on my own, I sort of made up for the training by participating in more events beforehand, including Nike Human Race and Army Half Marathon.

With my new Nike Sportsband, I was also able to gauge my pace and maintain it. This helped greatly. With a steady pace of around 6 minutes per kilometre - this is inaccurate as my Sportsband was not calibrated, but what I wanted was consistency so the actual pace didn't matter so much - I was able to sustain a longer run.

For this year's marathon, I was able to continue running up to the half way mark, stopping only for drinks. In addition, throughout the whole marathon I only cramped once, a marked improvement from last year when cramps were more the norm than the exception.

I was pretty sure I would make a better timing, maybe even sub-six. Well, last year's abysmal seven and a half hours wasn't really a benchmark to go by. However, as Danny injured his knee, we stayed with him and eventually still ended over seven hours. But hey, Shi An didn't give up on me last year and I wasn't going to give up on Danny this time round.

To top up everything, Adidas made a better sponsor than New Balance. The new finisher's tee looks horrible, as was the race pack. I guess I'll have to start doing the Sundown Marathon instead. Given the looks of things, I don't think I'll try 84km any time soon.

Je joue du foot

2009-12-01T18:58:00.003+08:00

I've finally got a picture of me in action.

Not the best player on the field, I try to improve every week as I play.
At least in this instance, the opponent didn't amount to anything.

My dad says I look big here. The other guy is just small.

How gay we look in that pink jersey.

Krabi, Thailand

2009-12-01T07:50:00.004+08:00

I'm going to Krabi.

As much as I have talked about travelling, I have never really travelled alone before, getting from Country A to Country B to meet someone doesn't count, neither does JB.

I have booked my tickets, $169 two ways, and arranged my accommodation, $120 Baht a night, checked out the dive shops, and am ready to go to Thailand.

I had had and still do have many apprehensions. But I decided that I should leave for a while, and come back fresh, to face the new challenges in the new year. Whatever it is, it's time to take a step back and hit the reset button, before going in headlong into a new life.

I'll also take this trip to continue my diving education. Since SSI is too tedious, I will cheat and switch over to PADI. Going straight for my AOWD on what is only my second dive trip is not advisable, but I have to think about my pocket.

So here I am, looking forward to disappearing from the 9th to 14th. May the clear blue sea calm my mind and soul.

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye...

Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go..."

Loonism

2009-11-09T18:28:00.004+08:00

Loonism - A summary

1) Everything is subjective.
2) Moderation is key.
3) Self-defeatism is unsalvageable.
4) Honesty is the best policy.
5) Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
6) It's a matter of choice.
7) Try everything once.

Death

2009-11-09T17:14:00.003+08:00

Today I was informed of death.
Death of a friend.

She was young.
Only 24.

I couldn't make out any emotions.
Only surprise.

We weren't close.
But it's still strange.

Death around me,
Has never been so young.

Up in smoke

2009-11-09T17:08:00.002+08:00

Last time we tried, we stopped just short of 3 weeks.
All we needed, was 1 lousy excuse.

This time we try again.

Today? Day 1.
D-Day? 6 December 2009.

Misconception

2009-11-01T22:23:00.003+08:00

I am a curious man.

I like to watch T.V. programmes about things that are not strictly important in life, but I like to watch them nonetheless. I watch so much T.V. and read about such stuff that I know quite a bit of trivia.

Today I was watching another of these programmes, 'The Works' on History Channel and I realised something.

For a good part of my life I have enjoyed this delicious grain known to me as 薏米. As I got older I came to know it as barley. Since I could always get my orders in coffeeshops and eating places, I assume my fellow Singaporeans know it as the same thing.

Today, I realise I've got it wrong all along, and I cleared up quite a few things today.

It was mentioned in the programme that barley and malt are the main ingredients of beer. Though I know they are grains, I was never sure what the difference is. So I wiki-ed.

And to my horror, barley is not 薏米. Barley is 大麦. 薏米 is in fact something known as Coix Seed or Job's Tears. And while I am at it, 小麦 is wheat, 燕麦 is oat, and 麦芽 is malt.

Malt is what you get when grains are allowed to germinate in water.

No wonder I always felt that 薏米 doesn't look like the thing that made beer.

Matriarchy

2009-10-31T19:16:00.002+08:00

Why be strong?
Just be a woman.

Plague

2009-10-31T19:05:00.003+08:00

You have returned,
Or have you not left at all?

I am a man,
Avoid me not like a plague.

Time

2009-10-26T20:34:00.003+08:00

What do you know about time?
How much do you know about time?

Has a day always been 24 hours?
Who set it at 24 hours?
What was it before it was decided that a day is 24 hours?

Why is the Gregorian calender in use?
What was before the Gregorian calender?

You don't that much, do you?

Time is confusing.

Norwegian Wood

2009-10-26T16:31:00.003+08:00

"You know the English subjunctive, you understand trigonometry, you can read Marx, and you don't know the answer to something as simple as that?"

"Death exists, not as the opposite but as a part of life."

- Haruki Murakami. (1987). Norwegian Wood

Nike+ Human Race 2009

2009-10-23T23:44:00.002+08:00

Running at 7 a.m. tomorrow.

Meeting Jeremy at 530 a.m.

Here's to more runs.

没有烟抽的日子

2009-10-12T21:38:00.003+08:00

And the original.

Dream

2009-10-09T00:27:00.002+08:00

I think about you, baby

and I dream about you all the time.

I did dream about you.

My Newer-than-New Toy

2009-10-01T03:34:00.003+08:00

This is my newer than new toy. In fact I'm posting this entry using this toy. It's a 13-inch MacBook Pro. It cost $1848, or $77 a month on hire purchase.

My friend said that it was an impulse buy. I denied it, saying that I had considered this for a while. Plus the last laptop I had, or still have, is my 5-year-old iBook. 5 years, who could use a laptop for 5 years and still have it in great condition? It's really slow though, through no fault of mine.

Then again, who am I kidding? It is SO an impulse buy. I did check it out for a while, but I never truly contemplated buying it. It's $1848. To me, that IS a lot of money.

Who the hell invented hire purchase? Interest-free. It's a gimmick that gives us a false sense of security. Compare $1848 to $77-a-month. All it does is let us fulfill all these wants that we have, allowing ourselves to believe that it is now affordable and be justified by our foolish brain as a need.

But it's SO pretty! Now for the accessories.

My New Toy

2009-10-01T03:26:00.003+08:00

This is the Nike+ Sportband. It costs $99.90 at any Nike outlet and comes with a sensor.

It is a useful tool for any runner for it measures distance, pace, time and calories burnt. With a Nike+ account, runs get sync'd and recorded on the Nike+ website. However, the website is still full of bugs and can be exasperating to use.

I got this after knowing my friend has a similar system. It has proved pretty useful as it allowed me to control my run better and train better. Pacing is now easily done with a regular check of the band. Distance can be measured with resorting to plotting on googlemap. Calories are not really an issue with me.

In addition, when not running, it serves as a watch. I have had watches, but they never last long. This one is at least rechargeable.

Rule No. 6

2009-09-29T11:51:00.002+08:00

It's a matter of choice.

Every route is a choice.

Staying put is a choice.

Fresh Air Fundraiser

2009-09-23T01:16:00.004+08:00

This is a public service announcement.

Fresh Air Fundraiser 2009 was a success. The Fresh Air Fund team would like to thank all who contributed in one way or another that helped nearly 8000 children enjoy their best summer yet.

For more information, please log on to http://freshairfund-news.com/

Run, Wee Loon, Run

2009-09-22T18:31:00.005+08:00

After Army-Half,
It's now Nike Human Race.

21, 10,
42 in December.

Maybe 84 in the coming years.

Why am I running?

I want to run.
Run away from it all.

If I run fast enough,
I might start flying.

My wings should never have been clipped.

Gogglebox

2009-09-22T15:10:00.003+08:00

8 p.m. and the alarm went off.

Seated in front of the goggle box,

I rooted and I cheered

You appeared, beautiful and stunning.

Vroom, vroom, vroom

2009-09-21T13:46:00.003+08:00

You go, girl!

Rule No. 5

2009-09-21T12:56:00.001+08:00

Hope for the best,

Prepare for the worst.

Rekindling our roots

2009-09-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, 4 friends sat down for a drink. 3 of them who used to take Chinese Literature decided to visit their roots in Chinese poetry.

高处不胜寒
独醉愁更愁
深渊难敌伤
自饮望灭亡

茶餐廳

2009-09-04T10:07:00.003+08:00

This was written in November 2005. One of the few times I dabbled with poetry. Though it no longer means anything, it remains, in my opinion, one of my better pieces of work.

弱弱的風
亂亂的頭髮
暗暗的天
滿滿的烏雲
冷冷的茶
苦苦的咖啡

厚厚的筆記
重重的電腦
悶悶的感受
長長的考試
壞壞的朋友
煩煩的心情

動人的你
被動的我
不定的我們
傷心的你
遲鈍的我
無意的誤會
很多的感
太少的話
不當的表達

弱弱亂亂暗暗滿滿冷冷苦苦
厚厚重重悶悶長長壞壞煩煩

動人被動不定傷心遲鈍無意很多太少不當

傷

Hands Full

2009-09-03T23:28:00.001+08:00

My hands are full,
of cigarettes and beer.

There is no place,
for a red pen.

Yet, a red pen,
funds the cigarettes and beer.

Let's go

2009-09-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

I have been moderated. He did seem nice, a lot of pep talk before going in.

The moderation didn't start so well; Murphy's Law came true and the video I had prepared crashed right at the beginning. Luckily for me, I had been watching the video over and over before the lesson. So I was able to remember vaguely what was in it. As a result, I became the video.

The kids were helpful enough. Nobody asked to go to the toilet, fill their bottles nor sleep. Some tried to be helpful by being inquisitive, eager students though their questions did caught me kind of off guard and I wasn't able to answer all of them.

In the end, I think it turned out well, well enough to spare me the axe I hope.

Tomorrow's the last day of practicum. After 10 long weeks the end is finally in sight. More of this will eventually come, on 30 November 2009 when I report to the school permanently. But for now, the respite is welcomed.

The only thing I have to contend with tonight, and most of tomorrow, is the bag of scripts to mark. All 7 sets of them, comprising of mostly essays. Well, it's the last leg.

Nike. Just do it.

Moderator

2009-08-31T01:26:00.003+08:00

Moderator, moderator, go away

Come again another day.

How about never?

He is coming, on Wednesday.

He phoned in last week.

Sounded benign enough.

Couldn't hold back the curiosity.

Googled for him on nieportal.

Looks benign enough.

Associate Prof Seow

Research interest:

English verb complementation
The teaching of writing in secondary schools
Curriculum development, Implementation and Evaluation
Computer-Assisted Assessment (CAA)

Hope he's not too hard to impress.

Welfare Tourism

2009-08-30T22:07:00.001+08:00

I came across a new term this week, welfare tourism. I got it from an article in a local English paper. For fear of defamation charges, I will refrain from calling it a tabloid.

In it, it spoke of welfare tourism, which is something people from rich countries do to make their lives meaningful, and supposedly brings desperately needed help to people in poorer countries like places in Africa.

More information can be found in the Saturday issue.

The point is, to question ourselves, of our aims and objectives when we extend a helping hand. Who are we doing it for? Are there truly altruistic sacrifices for people we've never seen or heard of? Or are these community projects for the simple selfish reason of self-glorification and part of our ego- and resume-building exercise? Or is it something even simpler like the confirmation of our existence.

If it is the latter, should we then not engage in such activities? Or does the result justify the intention?

In the end, intention, means and end, which one is the guiding principle?

Calm

2009-08-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

I feel a sense of peace.

Peace that hasn't been felt in a while.
But I also sense turbulence.
For under the cloak of calm,
there is trouble brewing.

Serenity, in my case, begets complacency.
Complacency begets inaction
Inaction begets crashing deadlines
Deadlines beget stress
Stress breaks calmness.

In the end, peace is its own undoing.

Saturday morning

2009-08-29T08:22:00.002+08:00

I wanted to take a nap last night, before dinner. In the end the nap turned into a a long sleep and I woke up this morning after 14 hours.

Sorry guys I missed both parties, one at Zouk and one at BG. I hope you guys had fun.

I guess the week had gone past with too little sleep. I wasn't particularly tired but it just felt so good sleeping on and on. It was such a nice undisturbed sleep except for a message in between and a short dream of littleboy, though I can't remember what happened in the dream.

This morning I woke up with a strange sense of peace. This Saturday morning just feels so tranquil and beautiful. I went to the kitchen to grab a puff, standing at the window looking out, I heard nothing but the chirping of birds. I looked up at the cloudy sky and saw rays of light gradually coming through the ceiling of clouds.

Everything just seemed so right.

Self-improvement

2009-08-26T00:42:00.000+08:00

In terms of self-improvement, I have been very active.

One look at my milestones show that I have been learning or doing something new almost every year since I finished high school. This year I got certified as a diver and a lifeguard. I also completed a half-marathon.

Such fulfilling life and I feel empty. So many skills but I'm doing something I'm not good at and getting into the deep end while doing it. Why don't I just grab a job that I am good at. Wait, what's that?

I have no real interest in anything. As a result I do everything. And I end up not being really good at anything. Well, that's to be expected since passion drives perfection. Lack of it means mediocrity.

There. Another day of self-loath and defeatism. As I write this entry I feel disgusted. I need to knock myself out of it. Maybe I can combine all my posts and publish a Singaporean male version of Bridget Jones' diary, though I never really got down to reading it. I was last at chapter one, I think.

What would be an alternate career choice? Is there a box for sloth?

Cloudy days

2009-08-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

With the stupide moderation hanging over my head, every night and day has been a cloudy one.

At night, as I sit here planning lessons for the next day, I keep worrying that it's not good enough and I am going to screw up big time.

In the day, as I sit in the staff workroom with a good view of the school gate and general office, I keep looking up if there's any moderator-looking person walking towards me.

I think heaven is reflecting my mood as the nights and early mornings continue to smell of storm while it clears up in the afternoon after the teaching day is over. I have never wanted more to take an MC, except the past few weeks of course.

Then, it was because I was almost getting a moderator. Every night was spent thinking of getting into the good books of my bosses so that they wouldn't call one in. This week, it was because the moderator has been called in and I dread seeing him/ her in person.

What kind of person would it be? Strict? Kind? Someone I know, perhaps. How I wish. Maybe a bluff, likely a surprise visit.

I have been advised to put up a good show for the moderator; I do not want to, though I have to. It's such a lie. I don't like to pretend. My students are going to find it weird and so will I. How I wish I could just show them how I normally teach. If it's not good enough for the students, then maybe I really shouldn't be a teacher.

Passing the moderation with a show means to me, most of the time we are short-changing the students. Because if we are only good and effective teachers in a show, and we don't usually put on a show, then most of the time we are not really helping, no?

But I was told that even seasoned teachers cannot have a fantastic show all the time. Once in a blue moon we spice things up but usually it's the boring stuff; doesn't mean that we shouldn't spice things up when we can. Then have the moderator come in and see one of the boring shows. I have spiced things up enough for the CTs.

Why can't I just let the moderator see the usual stuff? Give the moderator a chance to help you. Show the extra effort to make it good so that there is some basis of defence, you say? Then fucking tell me when you are coming! I cannot spend the next two weeks coming up with ten fantastic shows in anticipation of your freaking arrival, Your Highness.

In addition to that, my time is ending for practicum. I have a ton of papers that I wish to go through with the students so that they know their mistakes and can actually learn from it. I cannot spend every night thinking of marvellous lessons and carrying out those lessons wishing that the moderator will step in that day.

Somebody's gotta carry out the shit part of boring old lessons going through assignments.

Please don't come - SURPRISE

2009-08-23T22:36:00.000+08:00

I have yet to receive news on my moderation.

My friend suggested that it might be a bluff. Though the chances are low, I do sincerely hope that it is. But I expect the other extreme. It would be a surprise visit.

There are signs.
1) If it was a bluff, my sup did not have to ask me to resend my timetable. I wouldn't know that she has lost it.
2) I have been instructed to do a very good lesson for my HOD for the CPA lesson. They have specifically instructed that it needs to be good. In a way, that could be the lesson that the moderator is coming for. In addition, my supervisor didn't observe my CPA lesson. Since I have been having trouble with the EL dept, the CPA class could be my saving grace.
3) Assuming that the moderator is coming, the fact that I have received no news spells S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E all over it.
4) When I asked my sup when the moderator is coming, so that I could submit my lesson plans beforehand, she said, 'I'll let you know, anyway you should have the lesson plans ready right?' She continued, 'If they ask for it, you can just hand it over.'

IT HAS TO BE, YOU CHEEKY BASTARD. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CALL IN THE MODERATOR? I KNOW I SUCK. BUT REALLY? THAT BAD? DAMN IT!

Blog

2009-08-23T20:07:00.002+08:00

This is an add-on later. I thought I only spent 10 minutes, I blogged for an hour. Like how can time pass so fast! Like, what the hell.....

This is another of those incoherent and ranting blogs, that I have churned out in the past 10 minutes or so. Don't read it.
--------------------------------

I started this blog some years ago, hoping to share my life with my friends.

Then I started hoping that someone out there, preferably a stranger, or strangers, would read it. I hope that more so than my friends. Why? Because I am an attention seeker who can't handle the attention. What better way than to have a bunch of strangers give it to you since you are never ever going to see them.

But I would still like my friends to read SOME of the posts. It's a good way to keep each other updated on our lives since we can't always see each other. But in truth, only so many people read this blog. Still, you are important enough for me to keep it.

Then, there's the other problem. There are some things that I want to say that I sometimes find difficult to tell my friends to their face. But if I write it here, I kind of hope that they won't read it. Why? Because seriously, over the blog? What ever happened to courtesy, in the face and sincerity?

But, it's difficult. I may be 26, but I am very much just an over-grown adolescent. Not something that makes me mightily attractive, I know. More like loser with a capital L.

In addition, some things are better left unsaid. More than once, in fact many times, I have said too much. But I don't like to hold it in. But I cannot let it out. Honesty is the best policy, in case you don't know, that's motto number 4. But, as I grow up, I realised that that is applicable only in an alternative realm called my mind. In reality, honesty will get me into trouble. If it doesn't, it will still spoil a lot of things.

But you see, I am still an adolescent, so I tend to screw up a lot. So I tend to shoot my mouth off too, figuratively if not literally, like right here. I have no idea which of these posts will work against me, but I don't really want to take them down, even when I have thought of what might happen.

There, I've said it. I am a glutton for shit to happen. I just silently hope that they will have the desired effect of setting me free and setting things straight, positively.

Post-script: Like you know how employers are really good at looking up their employees' posts and how many teachers have gotten into trouble over blogs? I don't think I have written anything truly incriminating but you know, things are subjective. I might get hauled off to some tribunal right tomorrow.

Still I choose to ramble on and on. Like isn't this 'asking for it?' Get what I mean?

Post postscript: You read it.

Posts

2009-08-23T19:44:00.001+08:00

I'm doing quite a bit of free writing, so they are not always coherent. Don't read if you can help it. But of course, any normal person would continue reading after seeing this line. We are cheap bastards.

It's nothing much except a pathetic little bit of my life. I am pathetic and I know it. So don't read the post or you'll change your views about me.

Why am I still posting it if I didn't really want to let you see it? You know, it's one of those 'I want you to know, or maybe, I don't' kind of thing.

So come on, let me hear you say it.WHATEVER.

O.K. Just so we are clear, the 'you' above is generic, the 'you' below is not. They are DIFFERENT.
-----------------------------------------

I love your posts.

You always find these amazing pictures that goes along so well. Pictures speak a thousand words they say. I tried looking for pictures that goes with my blogs too. They never turned out so well. FYI, I searched on Yahoo! and Google image. Did you take the pictures yourself, or are you just a better searcher than me?

I don't always get your posts. I am so out of your life, that I have no idea what you are talking about, who you are talking sometimes. I wish I know more. It's been three, four years since we've met. More than half the time I disappeared. I guess it's all my fault.

Plus, I am quite sure I screwed up big time. So big that I didn't think anything is possible anymore. But I still like you. And I am holding on to this remote idea that I have no idea where I found it, that I might still have a chance. So, everyday I would log on to the Internet and take a look at your blog, just to know how you are doing. I would sometimes look at your facebook to see what you've been up to. No worries, I am no stalker. It just comes with liking you.

I would text you sometimes and hope you would reply. Sometimes, after I text you I would look at the phone just to see if you've replied. The replies come only half the time. Then comes the part where I wonder if you are just busy, or you are thinking, 'this dude's not worth my time.'

But you see, I cannot ask you. Or maybe I should. But I never believed in people being obligated to reply texts. I don't sometimes. Plus, it's not as if we've got something on. So far, everything's only been a figment of my imagination. It would be too pushy, not to say freaky, even I would think so, if I send texts asking you why you didn't reply the last text.

Of course, I never really said anything. Except that one fateful night 4 years ago. You might not remember, though I always think girls remember everything. Plus there are things I would like to forget too.

So like I said, everything is a figment of my imagination and I imagined too much.

Moderation

2009-08-23T19:01:00.000+08:00

Somewhere along the writing of this entry, I lost track of what I wanted to say. It's incoherent and inconclusive, and basically just ranting.

But, I didn't want to delete it. I think I'll get some 'awww...', 'are you ok?', 'jiayou', yada yada yada...

I'm just attracting attention. I am an attention seeker that cannot stand the attention.
---------------------------------
Moderation is kind of my guiding principle in life; not too much, not too little, just nice and everything will be great.

In fact, I think I am a little too moderate, in all areas of my life.

In many areas where people strive and do their best, I hobble along, happy with blending into the masses. But I also kept up the pace, so I was never the one to be singled out for poor performance.

It's a trait that I reproach myself for sometimes, whenever I feel that I may be able to achieve more, or when I see others, sometimes friends, who are not content with what fate deals them and who fights to enjoy every moment, however difficult. However, I turn around and find myself doing it over and over. Such is the uselessness that I feel, content to remain quiet and hunched, as long as life moves along without any problem.

I never make enemies, nor do I truly fight. If there's a way to let it dissolve away, just let it be.

When it comes to making things happen, I never truly for things that I want to. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

If you are blinded by my acts, you'd think that I have been enlightened beyond my years, almost to a state of Zenly existence. In truth, fear, laziness, indifference, weakness are more suitable adjectives. I believe most people are able to see through it, I am only fool others for so long. But, I managed to fool myself quite often.

So that's my motto, moderation. Do what is enough, but not too much. Too much of everything is not good.

But now moderation has come back to haunt me. I never wished to avoid the word as I do now. Doing enough, has become insufficient. As my other has come back to haunt me together; everything is subjective. My enough and others' enough are not the same. So in fact, acting moderately has caused me to fail badly.

I will be moderated. Me, who epitomises moderation, has to be moderated. What irony. In addition, apparently two's not enough company. My other motto has decided to join in the fun, seeing how the other two is having so much fun.

Self-pity is intolerable. I have a pretty good listening ear. Many people, some friends, some acquaintances, like to pour out their troubles to me; and I like to listen. It's the little I can do. But there is a difference between getting it out, sorting it out, moving on and making it better, and incessant complaints, blaming the world, resigning to fate, self-defeatist behaviour. If I hear any more of those, I'd kill myself, or at least that is what I sometimes think when people pour out their troubles in the latter manner.

Recently, I sometimes find myself thinking that way. Yes, three's a crowd and I think the last one really shouldn't come along. I mean, Being too moderate and failing, I can deal with. It's possibly a blessing in disguise. I might, finally after 26 years, kick-start my engine and take the world. Subjectivity, I can deal with. As long as I stop being moderate and try my very best, too bad for whoever expects better. I can only please so many people, myself included.

But really, the last one? When number three comes along, the world stands still. What's the point? Fuck it! I don't want to do this anymore! I should just kill myself and save all the trouble. It makes everything and anything difficult. I just want to sleep it away.

I think I'm depressed. I just read about male midlife crisis and depression in Reader's Digest. Wait, I'm only at quarter-life.

Stress

2009-08-19T09:47:00.002+08:00

I usually delete chain mails; but this one, I kept.

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,

Raised a glass of water and asked
'How heavy is this glass of water?'

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued,
'And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
We won't be able to carry on. '

'As with the glass of water,
You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'
'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,
Let them down for a moment if you can.'
So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
And some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
Just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully.. It's not only cars that can be
"Recalled" by their maker....

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well..
Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way,
You're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live..

* You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today... I did .

Army Half-Marathon

2009-08-16T19:37:00.000+08:00

I ran the AHM today and I did it in about three hours.

An average timing for an average runner. I came back with aches all over and a headache.

I did well, I guess, for someone who almost didn't train at all. I had wanted to finish it without walking at all but I was too tired to do that. I only slept 3 hours the night before.

I almost didn't go this morning. Going for the run had many repercussions; I needed the rest and time for work. It also meant I was pretty exhausted afterwards. I am supposed to be putting my work as priority, given that it is not going very well for me now.

The positives was the much-needed workout and a new medal of completion. If only I was good enough to be a full-time runner, or athlete of some sort, it would probably be way better than what I am doing now.

End

2009-08-16T19:26:00.000+08:00

This is not working.

More than once each day, I think about quitting, when I can possibly find the money to pay the liquidated damages, how this is not what I want to do, how bad I am at this teaching job.

I have problems coming up with what to teach and how to teach. I get headaches and I haven't slept properly for a long time.

Why did I get myself into this predicament of no return.

And all this while, I should be focusing on churning out the work. All these distractions are not helping and it just ends up in a vicious cycle.

Even if I somehow manage to scrape through these 10 weeks, there's still 3 years to go.

I want to sleep. And never wake up again. The end is nowhere near.

The Pledge

2009-08-09T20:24:00.001+08:00

We, the citizens of Singapore,
Pledge ourselves as one united people.
Regardless of race, language or religion,
To build a democratic society,
Based on justice and equality.
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity
And progress for our nation.

我們是新家坡公民。
誓願不分種族、言語、宗教，
團結一致，建設公政、平等的民主社會。
并為實現國家之幸福、繁榮与進步，
共同努力。

It's ending

2009-08-09T20:20:00.000+08:00

Week 6 is over.
I'm more than halfway there.
Hang in there.

Happy Birthday, Singapore

2009-08-09T20:09:00.000+08:00

44 years, Our country is middle-age. I wish to wish it 'Happy Birthday'.

It's a day worth celebrating, because it marks the day that we became independent. However, I didn't always feel this way. It was important to me because it was a holiday. That was it.

It's the same now for the students. To them, according to my observations, National Day means nothing more than daily droning of songs over the PA system, pointless and time-wasting activities like Recollection, and making red and white paper hearts.

Like it was to me, National Day means nothing than an additional day of holiday.

2009-07-23T13:05:00.004+08:00

je suis malchanceux. Parmis tous les enseignants de l'Anglais, ma mentor est la plus stricte.

Aujourd'hui, une certaine personne m'a dit qu'elle a pense de me souligner comme un cas d'echec. J'ai une derniere chance de faire mes preuves la semaine prochaine.

Quel con!

2009-07-22T13:50:00.003+08:00

Aujourd'hui, J'ai pres de rate une observation par une de mes mentors.

Elle est une femme agee. Je me sens comme un adolescent autour d'elle. Elle me fait peur, comme mes enseignants anciens.

Par consequences, je ne la rencontre pas assez souvent et elle ne m'aime pas.

J'espere qu'elle n'est pas particulierement contre moi, mais je sais qu'elle est particulierement stricte avec moi.

Elle me suggere qu'il est peut-etre mieux que je repense mon choix de travail ou de sujet d'enseignement.

NYC Half-Marathon

2009-07-17T23:43:00.004+08:00

The NYC Half-Marathon is a fundraiser organised by The Fresh Air Fund.

It is a a not-for-profit agency based in the Big Apple whose aim is to "provide free summer experiences" to kids growing up in the city.

A range of programs brings the city children to places across the U.S and Canada to get away from the typical city smog.

Last year's half-marathon managed to raise more than USD125,000. This year, they are still looking for donors and volunteers to join their Fund-racer team.

For more information, visit the organisation's website @ http://www.freshair.org/the-fresh-air-fund.aspx.

They welcome volunteers, host families, donors, children, and referrals.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by yours truly at the request of Sara Wilson from The Fresh Air Fund.

Ca fait trop

2009-07-16T22:36:00.003+08:00

Pour les dernieres semaines, j'ai dormi moins que 3 heures par nuit sauf les weekends.

Tous les jours, je faisais mes travaux. Toutes les nuits, je faisais mes travaux.

Chaque soir, je rentre dans une condition tres fatiguee. Je me repose un peu dans la salle de sejour et je m'endors involontairement. Chaque nuit, je m'empeche de dormir.

Tous les lundis, j'attend avec l'impatience l'arrive des weekends. Tous les dimanches, je prie que le lundi ne vient jamais.

La vie ne tient rien a mon coeur, sauf peut-etre toi, et toi, et toi, et toi, et toi, et toi, et toi. Il est pour ces gens que je me reveille tous les matins, meme j'attend rien d'eux.

S'ils n'existent pas, je m'en fous de la vie. Je m'en fous du travail. Je m'en fous de tous.

It has begun

2009-06-29T23:27:00.002+08:00

And so the holidays ended as quickly as it had begun.

So I report to a new institution with new colleagues.

Then the practicum begins.

Now I hope it ends just as quickly.

Here's to ten weeks of lesson plans.

Students, observations, mentors and supervisor.

And not forgetting the Swine Flu.

Or the H1N1 virus as it is now called.

I was once told, to keep a life, outside of this life.

Let not the one life be the only life.

But I am already feeling the effect.

Of the Z Monster as early as 8pm.

This routine is so different from that,

Which I have been used to and always enjoyed.
The one where night is day and day is night.
Where the silence of the darkness is louder than the noise of the light.

Cabaret

2009-06-20T03:35:00.004+08:00

Today I went to watch a musical at L'Alliance Francaise de Singapour.

I was invited by Pan Pan who was performing in the musical titled "Cabaret." It was a french musical, no less.

I am really impressed by her courage. For most people, or at least the ones I know, myself included, the idea of performing in a play would be daunting enough. She, however, went one step further by doing in a whole new language. It was performed by Pan and her classmates at L'Alliance Francaise. Their teacher had come up with a method of learning French through theatre and this was their final work.

I have to admit, j'ai peu compris. Although we were given a translation of the dialogues, we couldn't read it while the musical was going on as the theatre was dimmed. The various accents of the Spanish, Chinese, Indian and Vietnamese performers didn't help.

Still, we had a great laugh at the melodramatic and fumbles of some of the actors and actresses. And no matter how it turned out, I think they did a great job. I wouldn't be able to perform anywhere as well. Perhaps better pronunciation. Pan was one the few that really spoke like the French. The rest were still pretty raw.

The most enjoyable part of the show, has to be the songs. So many well known hits, including Edith Piaf's "Je ne regrette rien." Gotta love it.

Dayang 12 - 15th June 2009

2009-06-20T01:53:00.005+08:00

Dive trip:1

Location: Pulau Dayang

Date: 12 - 15 June 2009

Number of dives: 5

Dive 1

Depth: 8.5m

R.T.: N.A

B.T.: 40 mins

The first dive ever underwater. We went through the drills of rigging up the equipment. 1 week after the pool session where we only did a minimal run-through of rigging up, I had almost forgotten everything.

Luckily the instructors were on hand to help with some reminders. After we were all ready, we stepped into the water one by one. As this was our first dive, we weren't allowed to do a free descent. Instead, the instructors had the trainees hold on to a descent line.

The max depth was only 8.5 metres. As we needed a place to test our drills underwater, we were brought to a shallow site with a seabed that resembled a desert. There were some corals left, but mostly, there were only debris, remains of corals trampled by repeated batches of open water learner divers.

All in all, this first dive took around 40 minutes. Much of the time was spent on demonstrating what we had learned in the pool out here one by one. As was the case during the pool session, the seven drills of exhaling without regulator, purging regulator, half-mask clearing, full mask clearing, mask retrieval, two methods of regulator retrieval were easily performed.

With some time left, Freddie the instructor told us to experience pivoting. It's basically lying face down on the seabed and try moving the upper body using just inhalation and exhalation. This was sort of a prelude to achieving neutral buoyancy.

Dive 2

Depth: 15.1m

R.T.: 11 mins

B.T.: 23 mins

Dive 2 was half leisure half practice since most of the drills were done during the first dive. Sadly things didn't go so well.

Firstly I had some trouble with mask clearing. As I was clearing my mask, I closed my eyes and finned continuously so as to not step on the corals below me. As I open my eyes after clearing, I noticed that I had ascended several metres. Fortunately we were still at a shallow depth and this did not cause any problems with regards to DCS or lung-expansion injuries.

Then I got split up with the group. I saw my dive buddy ascend and wasn't sure what to do. As the instructor signalled for me to level off, I misunderstood it as staying put. After a while I realised that I was alone. At this moment I noticed another group of trainees not far away and decided to join them. My unexpected gatecrashing led to some surprises as the instructor Noel asked me to stay with his group after surfacing to discuss with Freddie.

After I surfaced, I was told that my group had surfaced because two divers felt sick and were unable to continue. I felt bad because in a sense I did not take care of my buddy and had lost her. If this was a leisure dive with no instructor, the result might have been fatal. Dive buddies must always stay with and take care of each other. It was an important lesson.

Dive 3

Depth: 10m

R.T.: 37 mins

B.T.: 22 mins

The third and last dive of the day started off well. Having switched back to my original buddy, we basically swam around taking in the sights. After all the drama from the previous dive, we finally got some time to relax and just enjoy. Visibility was quite bad, though we still managed to managed to see some big fishes, particularly one that looked like a gigantic "Luo Han."

However, half way through the dive, my buddy felt sick again. He started ascending very quickly and I had to pull him back. Even in his discomfort it was potentially dangerous to surface quickly. Before I knew it, he vomited in my face. Luckily we were in the water and the stuff dispersed before it hit me. I quickly turned around hoping to inform the instructor of this predicament. But as we were lagging behind due to his discomfort, the instructor was too far in front for me to be able to inform him while Boon kept ascending. At that split second, I was at a loss. Should I leave him just for a while to inform the instructor or should I stay with him and go up.

Remembering the previous dive, I decided to stay with him. As we surfaced I tried to get him to do a safety stop of staying at 5 metres for 3 minutes, but he was too sick to do it. In the end we went straight up to the surface. After we surfaced I accompanied him and we swam to the boat waiting for us. Making sure that he was fine, I tried to descend to search for the instructor and the other two other trainees. Yet visibility was too poor and I had no choice but to surface and wait.

Soon after Freddie, Lydia and William surfaced. Freddie was glad that we were fine and told us that we gave him a serious fright when he turned around and found two divers missing. In the end, we were just glad that everyone was O.K and Freddie made sure he'd inform us of the lost buddy drill.

Dive 4

Depth: 15m

R.T.: N.A

B.T. 33 mins

After an eventful first day, we were all hoping that the second day would be better with the much needed rest. As we were in a little rush for time, the second day started out early as we were on the jetty ready to go as dawn was just breaking.

With all the problems of the previous day, we were left with one last drill yet to be completed; the Emergency Buoyant Ascent. This drill was left to the end of the dive as we began our leisure dives.

It was uneventful in the positive sense as we basically swam around just looking at fishes and corals. The most interesting part would have to be the encounter with a Trigger Fish. It's a fish that is highly territorial and is well-known to attack the odd diver that trespasses into its area. It took a bite of Lydia's fins as we tried to remove ourselves from its home.

As we moved around, Freddie tried to look for a suitable spot for the EBA drill. When we finally found a bald patch of the seabed, we carried out the drill one by one, surfacing and staying up since this was near the end of the dive. I was the last one to go up. As I waited for my turn, I used the opportunity to try out the "Seating Buddha." It's a maneuver whereby we sit cross-legged while floating in the water. Using breathing techniques as well as a perfectly inflated BC, this maneuver can only be achieved when neutral buoyancy is attained. That is to say you basically hover at a level, moving up and down only slightly, in tune with your breathing.

I was incredibly happy when I succeeded in attaining nirvana. Neutral buoyancy is an important skill in diving as it allows us to dive without having the need to fin continuously, saving energy, effort and most importantly the corals because one wouldn't run the danger of sinking and damaging the corals in a moment of concentration loss.

Then it was my turn to perform the EBA. It all went well until the last part when I forgot to manually inflate the BC at the surface. But other than this minor glitch, it was the best dive up to this point.

Dive 5

Depth: 18m

R.T.: 24 mins

B.T.: 36 mins

A check of on the dive table would reveal that our final dive of the trip and course surpassed the allowed no-decompression limits. Fortunately, using a dive computer allowed us to maximise our diving time.

The dive started out with one of the biggest bloopers of this trip; we left my dive buddy on land as we took the boat out to the dive site. I felt horrible. Though I didn't lose a buddy in the waters, somehow I managed to leave him out of the dive altogether. So much for lesson learnt. Luckily we only just moved off when we realised that he was missing so we went back for him.

With all drills truly finished, and most of the dives in shallower depth, Freddie told us that he would bring us to the maximum depth possible for open water divers. As we entered the water, we realised that the last dive was going to be slightly more difficult as we were experiencing strong currents both on the surface and, likely, under the water as well.

Still, other the hiccup at the beginning, the experience of the previous dive was still fresh as we looked forward to another great dive. By now we had been doing free descents and this dive was the same. After we descended to the bottom we started swimming around. We followed the gradient of the seabed and gradually descended deeper into the waters.

All the while, I was trying to attained neutral buoyancy but to no avail. Most attention was spent on trying not to hit the corals and following the instructor. I didn't lose out on much as it turned out, at a depth of 18 metres, the seabed was like desert, with some corals spread out sporadically, but mainly just sand and nothing else.

Then we realised what Freddie had meant when he said that he preferred diving at a shallower depth. Even so, the experience was worthwhile as we stay as long as the amount of air allowed us to, including having a safety stop. When we surfaced, I only had 30 bars of air left. That was almost an empty tank.

With that we concluded our first dive trip and open water course.

Dayang Trip

2009-06-16T16:36:00.003+08:00

I'm back. In one piece. It turns out that I was overly-concerned. The diving trip had no noticeable effect on me.

It was truly an amazing and unforgettable trip. For one I was one of the few learners ever to get full marks on the theory test. But more importantly, the 5 dives that I did was indescribable.

Though the visibility was not very good, I still saw a whole lot of fishes and corals. Still as a beginner, most of my attention was spent on keeping myself neutrally buoyant, not hitting the corals.

Then again, I still managed to take in some of the sights.

There are so many things I can talk about, but words just won't do the sea justice. It has to be experienced.

Now that I got my openwater licence, I will take more specialty courses. And I will take my advanced course after clocking my 20 dives.

Pool Session

2009-06-09T23:46:00.004+08:00

On Sunday I went to Outram Secondary for my dive class's pool session. Why the hell does a public secondary school have a swimming pool? First time I heard of it. Won't mind teaching there.

Well it seems like it's a pretty utilised place as there were three to four dive schools conducting classes simultaneously on Sunday morning.

Pool session was fun. We learnt, hands-on, how to rig the equipments as well as went through all the drills needed for basic diving. After watching videos and reading about it for the past weeks, getting to mess around with all the equipment and learning to breath under water was an unforgettable experience.

If the pool session was so much fun, I can't wait for the real thing.

Courting trouble

2009-06-05T02:11:00.004+08:00

This is a microscopic view of a spherocyte. It's how my red blood cells would look like, for it's no secret that I have hereditary congenital spherocytosis.

Spherocytes are more fragile than normal red blood cells. Like me, they do not perform well under pressure. I am going for SCUBA. There's going to be a lot of pressure.

So exciting.

Wings

2009-06-05T01:47:00.004+08:00

I saw this picture on facebook. It was from one of the many quizzes, specifically the "What tattoo should you have?" quiz.

It is exactly what I had in mind for myself.

I have been thinking of having a tattoo for the longest time. Over the years, other than not having the money, I could never exactly decide what tattoo to get. Over the last couple of years however, I finally settled on a pair of wings.

Many different kind of wings came to mind: metallic like machine, feathery like angels, leathery like demons.

But this picture, I love it the moment I laid my eyes on it. I will get one just like it. "When" is the question.

Twenty Something

2009-06-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

This song fits. Not to the T but close enough.

After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,
finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I’m hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.

Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers? Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.

Maybe I’ll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.

I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.

Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh

Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.

doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah

I’m a twenty something.
Let me lie in, Leave me alone.
I’m a twenty something.

doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah

Johor Bahru

2009-06-04T22:01:00.002+08:00

I went to Johor Bahru yesterday. It was an activity that I used to do quite often. But a check of my passport told me that I have not been there since 2005.

How time files and how things change. Gone were the days when we used to go in every other day at any time of the day. The checkpoints and the road have changed, so has the look of the customs. Yet some things remained nostagically the same.

The shops are the same. Same shops that we used to go and wash our bikes, same places we used to watch them get cleaned. Same petrol stations and same cheap cigarettes.

A simple affair yet at the same time strangely enjoyable.

Army Half Marathon

2009-05-31T12:52:00.003+08:00

After half a year of inactivity, my beautiful running shoes are finally seeing action again.

I signed up for the Army Half Marathon. I skipped this step last year and Standchart Marathon was quite an experience.

After I finished with Standchart, I haven't been running. After the last time, I think I should train more. AHM would be a good start for me to start running again.

This morning I woke up at 6 to run. It was refreshing to run in the morning. The air was fresh and the weather cool. By the time I reached East Coast Park, the sun was just rising in the east. Such a beautiful sight it was.

Today was also the day of the Adidas Sundown Marathon. Along the way I saw drink stations, marshalls, runners. The 84 KM ultramarathon would be my next goal. I hope I will be fit enough to participate next year or the year after.

Open Water SCUBA Diving Class

2009-05-31T12:47:00.004+08:00

I am going diving. After years of thinking about it, thoughts are finally going to translate into action.

This will be for my Open Water licence. The location is Dayang in the eastern side of Peninsular Malaysia.

The lessons will include one theory class and one pool session in Singapore, before we head up north on the weekend of 12th - 14th June.

I'll get to do 4 dives in the South China Sea. Awesome!

Thoughts

2009-05-13T02:09:00.003+08:00

There are so many things going through my mind.

Just realised that I've lost 2 ATM cards and 3 debit cards. Haven't used them in a long time since getting the credit cards and using internet banking facilities. Now I need them.

Then there's the stupid bike seat that flew off and the 144 bucks plus 1-month waiting time for the replacement. The bike cover also got a big tear across rendering it useless.

2 months of bike installment still outstanding.

Next week I have 5 assignments due, all at the same time. 2 CPA lesson plans, 1 English lesson plan, 1 reflection for Ed Psy 2 and the presentation on dyslexia.

Last week got stopped by a TP for going 108 on a 90 PIE. Told me will get 6 demerits and a 150 fine though I wasn't 21kmph over the limit.

Over 1 grand of credit card bills due.

Kept pushing the Tuition Loan repayments back.

When it rains, it pours......

Beckett who?

2009-05-11T01:29:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I went to watch a play - Precious Little: Brief Encounters with Beckett.

It was actually a set of 5 of Beckett's work. Before I went for this play, I had no idea who Beckett was. After I went for it, I still have no idea who he is.

And his work? Not a clue what happened.

Never a dull moment

2009-05-11T01:22:00.003+08:00

With me around, there's never a dull moment.

Just when things start to get routinised, I'll come up with something hilarious to brighten up the days.

Yesterday, I lost a bike seat. In 6 years of my riding life, I have never heard of such a thing. Yet, amazingly, I did it. Such is my strength, which knows no bounds.

I didn't secure it properly and it simply flew off. So matter-of-factly. What can I say? I am good.

Masochism

2009-05-04T22:56:00.002+08:00

I suspect that I am a closet masochist.

Other than getting myself in pain on a regular basis, I also like it in an ad hoc manner. Today, I did what I did a couple months ago. I scraped off another piece of my skin.

When the previous time was against the edge of my couch at home, today was against the edge of a computer table in school. As I sat there working, my friends asked for my help. Me being me, always eager to lend a helping hand, responded without hesitation. I was slouching in my chair, with my legs extended under the table. As I jumped up to get to them, the only thing I felt at that instance was pain.

Darn. I knew what had transpired almost immediately. As I looked down at my feet, all I could see was this area about 1 inch long, half an inch wide of white flesh. Shit, an abrasion that took the whole layer of top skin.

As I limped to help my friends, blood started oozing out. Ouch. I ignored it and continued messing with the Dreamweaver program till I realised that I should at least apply some pressure as the blood continued to flow.

As I went back to my workstation to continue with my work, Desmond appeared with an antiseptic cream and band-aid. He had gone off to get them from the school bookshop after I hurt myself. Thanks man. You are a kind friend.

I later found the piece of skin still dangling from underneath the table. Talk about yewwwwww. So now I am once again left with a wound that's gonna hurt me bad later when I take my shower. And then worse still when I apply "青草油" afterward.

I somehow have that talent, to hurt myself. I should join some talent show.

A long way home

2009-05-04T22:25:00.002+08:00

As a teacher we are supposed to teach narrative writing as one of the genres in school. Last week I got an assignment to write one, with the title "A Long Way Home." The tutor wanted us to know that we can write it before we can teach it. Narrative is not my thing. It is so difficult as I find myself being less than imaginative. So came the following piece of work.
----------------------------------------------------

A long way home

The year is 2006. I have been in this foreign city for over four years. It seems like only yesterday when I waved good-bye to my family at the airport, and began my life all alone at this end of the world. “You’ll have lots of fun!” “Take lots of pictures!” “Call us when you can!” “You be back before you know it!” They all said. These very words still echo in my mind.

When I sent in the application for the University of Paris, I never thought that I would feel this way. It was something new. I was going to begin my life, an independent life, studying abroad. The only thing in my mind was the independence. For the first time, I was going to have an apartment all to myself, cook my own food, with nobody to nag at me to clean up the room, do my homework, wash the dishes. I would have to do all these anyway; it was just the thought of not having someone constantly breathing down my neck asking me to do it that was so intriguing.

I had also been learning French for the past two years and would finally have a chance to put it to good use. Even though I could get French movies and books here, and have some French friends to talk to, I knew it was never the same as engulfing myself in a place where I could wake up to French music, have French breakfast and communicate in French in all aspects of life.

As the speakers called out for the passengers of Thai Airways TG419 to Paris, I said my last good-byes and looked forward to my new life in the “City of Lights.” I can still remember the smell of the plane. A slight tinge of detergent mixed with the refreshing fragrance of air freshener and the perfumes of the crew and passengers. The trip to Paris was a long one. Sixteen hours of flying halfway around the world, six time zones away. As the plane flew in the night sky, things started to quieten. As I sat there contemplating my new life, a sense of poignancy swelled inside me. Barely into my new life, I was already missing the old one.

My first step onto Parisian soil was as scary as it was electrifying. All around me people were buzzing around shopping at the duty-free shops, clearing immigration, collecting luggage, enjoying silent moments of love with their families. I quickly passed through immigration, trying my best to understand the questions posed by the officer, amid familiar sentences like “Pourquoi venez vous en France?” “Vous habitez où?” Rather clumsily I survived his inquisition and hastily I collected my belongings, ready to begin my new life as a Parisian.

The Parisian weather was not as welcoming as I had hoped for. I felt like I had just stepped into a refrigerator. Every breath I took mimicked a steam engine, as puffs of warm air escaped my lungs, forming clouds of steam in the cold Parisian morning. With the directions researched before my departure, I made my way into the city and found my apartment. It was on the top floor of a typical Parisian building, the architecture remained the same since the 1800s. Also typical was the lack of elevators, meaning I had to climb six flights of stairs to reach the floor of my apartment.

The next two weeks went by quickly. I registered myself at the university, opened a bank account, applied for a student permit and began my undergraduate studies as a student of one of the oldest university in France. By the end of the two weeks I already began to miss Singapore. Despite being one of the most modernised countries in the world, France was still awfully backward in some areas. All the registrations were done in person, meaning I often had to queue up for hours to do something as simple as filling in a form and submitting it. Plus, Internet connection was also not as readily available. It was one of the first instances that made me realised how easy things were in Singapore.

Still, I managed to settle down and could finally look forward to enjoying my stay in this land rich of culture and history. I took long walks down the streets, along the River Seine whenever I could. The architecture was old and I felt like I had travelled back in time. There were no skyscrapers and the Parisian night sky was visible for miles from atop the Montmatre district. Weekends were spent lounging in cafés and visiting museums as I slowly learnt the French way of life. Interestingly, tables in the cafés were all arranged facing outwards though I never understood why. And it cost less to drink standing at the bar than sitting at a table, as service at the bar was not as good.

As my stay continued in this land, beautiful as it is, I began to miss home. Yes, it was fun and exciting in the beginning to finally live independently. Yes, it was great to try out cooking and meddling with the washing machine. Yes, it was refreshing to finally not have the scorching hot sun and humid weather to deal with. Yes, it was enriching to learn about all the culture and practice my French with real French all around me. But after a while, there’s nothing like home.

I missed all the people that love me. Calls and messages just could not substitute the presence felt everyday at dinner. I missed the food and being able to find food at anytime of the day. Geylang with its beef hor fun and dim sum, Simpang Bedok’s roti prata, Katong’s laksa, all of which are delicious and available twenty-four seven. Speaking French was fun amusing but I missed the “lah’s” and the “loh’s” and Singlish with the mixture of all things familiar. It was then when I realised that there is no place like home. Everything I ever loved is here.

Fortunately, fours year were over soon enough. Now that I have finished my studies here, it is finally time to go home. As I sit here in the lounge waiting for my flight on the same airline back to where I came from, I can still vividly remember the day four years ago, when I stumbled my way through that gate, eager to step out and explore the world. These four years have been quite a ride, I have learnt a lot and I would never exchange it for anything. Most importantly, I have learnt how much I love my home, back in Singapore. So as I sit here, pondering about the four years that have passed, I am glad to be finally going home. This flight back would be a long one, longer than the one I took to leave; it would really be a long way home.

Adolescence

2009-05-02T03:41:00.004+08:00

Today was a day when I felt like an adolescent again.

My closest friends arranged for a dinner and some drinks at Timbré @ The Art House. Afterward we went to Brewerkz and had a few drinks. Because my goddaughter Scarlett and her mom needed rest. We switched to a regular kopitiam near their place.

While we usually behave like responsible adults, today was a day when we reverted to being adolescents. As the drinking continued, we started taunting each other to drink. One followed another as we came with the weirdest arugments why the other should be drinking.

The result? I regurgitated my very nice dinner. I've always had a weak stomach when it comes to drinking. The gag reflex is just so strong that I always end up making friends with the toilet bowl before my senses give in. However, over the past months I had managed to prevent this from happening. For some time, food only went in and not out from the top cavity. But no, not today.

Sigh, what is it about birthdays that rob mature, responsible adult males of their sensibility. Why do we do this year in, year out. I really appreciate everyone celebrating my birthday for me. It's nice to know they care even though my own birthday is not really that much of a deal to me.

But guys, can we just drink to our hearts' content? Minus the vomiting. If I ever taunt anyone again, just remind me of what I said.

Pain

2009-04-24T04:18:00.003+08:00

Ouch. It hurts. There were times when I wondered why people put themselves through physical pain for the sake of looks. Now, I am guilty as charged.

I have been going to my aunt for acupuncture treatments for the past month or so. Every weekend I spend around twenty minutes looking like a hedgehog, with needles all over my face.

She had claimed that she knew of a treatment used for improving complexion and removing acne scars. She had a couple of successes with patients and would like to continue trying out the treatment. I gamely volunteered to be the guinea pig in her clinical trials.

Whoever said that acupuncture doesn't hurt, lied. It hurts. Especially on the face where flesh is scarce. Still I go to her almost every week to get myself poked at. It does work. So much so that my brother is doing it too. We are skeptical about the degree of her claims, but the improvement is undeniable.

Then, apparently, getting poked at is not enough for me. I now have braces fixed. I have been wanting to do it for a while and finally got down to it. I thought the worst was over when the dentist extracted four good, healthy teeth. But no, that was just the beginning.

Today I got the actual brackets and wire in. It was fine when it first went in. However, it got worse as the day went by. By dinner time, I couldn't eat. Minor biting actions were enough to send a dull but unmistakable pain through me.

Can someone please tell me why I am spending good money to put myself in pain? I cannot fathom it. Is it for the sake of looks? But I never thought I was bad-looking to begin with. Is there a certain notion of beauty and perfection in my head, that I feel I am not up to?

Heat-Injury

2009-04-20T16:22:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I experienced for the first time clammy skin.

Throughout the courses that I went through, during NS, as a teacher, or whenever, I have heard about the clammy skin but can never quite understand it, until yesterday.

Yesterday was one of a series of hot days. I believe the temperature was well over 30 degrees. It was one of the weekly sessions of football. We started the day with eleven man, just enough to form one team without substitution. It was going to be a difficult day and we all knew it.

I had expected the sun to make things difficult but I didn't know it was going to be that difficult. By half-time I was gasping for air, breaking out in cold sweat and in a daze. I knew something was not right but wasn't sure what.

After a while, it got better. And I began to realise what it might be. I was severely dehydrated and also felt a bit nauseous. It dawned on me that these were familiar symptoms. Symptoms that I had heard of more than once; I could be getting heat-related injury. Not wanting to risk it, I sat out the beginning of the second half.

I'm glad that I did. Even though it might be a misdiagnosis. It was better safe than sorry. Heat-injury is potentially fatal. So I would like to share some information here about it:

Some common symptoms:
Cold sweat
Dizziness
Nausea
Clammy skin

Basic first-aid:
Hydration
Shade
Removal of clothing
Cooling using fan or water.

Prevention:
Adequate hydration
Adequate rest
Not engaging in outdoor activities during midday

These are some of the things I remember off-hand. They are not hundred percent accurate and not exhaustive. Please read up and take care everyone. Have fun, but do it safely.

迷

2009-03-23T16:21:00.004+08:00

好久沒用中文寫東西了。我的中文已經因為太久沒用而退步了。前幾個星期是好忙的幾個星期，三份作業讓我感到好累。

相比之下，這幾個星期可就輕松多了，只有三天需要來到學校。加上一直到牙醫那兒復診，所以又多了幾天病假。接下來地幾個星期又有幾份作業到了交貨的期限。還好，時間並不是很緊稠。

轉眼間，在教育學院的日子已經過了將近五個月。可是我還是不清楚自己到底學到了什么。這幾個月過得是那么的矇矇董董。我並不覺得來了這裡之後，自己更有信心做一名教師。

Come quick!

2009-02-26T00:47:00.003+08:00

Everyone, come quick! Take a good look at my room now! Before it's too late!

Feeling the inertia, I haven't written a thing for my ICT assignment. Instead I cleaned up my room. Yes it is taking me that long to clean it up. But at least now it is really clean, no longer just a figment of my imagination.

No it's not completed. There are still some drilling and arranging to do. But it looks really neat for the moment. It hasn't been like this in years. And seriously, I don't know how long I can keep it up, seeing that I love to only clean up other people's places.

So come quick! Come now! Before we lose the floor again!

New High of Stupidity

2009-02-24T21:06:00.004+08:00

Today I recorded a new high for my level of stupidity.

After I reached home from work, I walked away from my bike, without switching off the engine nor pulling out the keys.

I only realised it 6 hours later when I wanted to go down and put the canvas over. As a result, the battery is flat. The bike can now not be started. Even after I enlisted the help of my very strong brother to push it. We almost succeeded, but almost is the operative word.

Now I can only let it rest for the night and try again tomorrow. If it still fails to start, then I'll have to call a tow truck and send it in to change the battery.

Sigh. Stupidity knows no bounds.

Update: It's one of those Mastercard moments. Tow truck: $25, New Battery: A FREAKING $165, Tuition lessons cancelled: $89.25, A packet of cigarettes to ease the unhappiness: $11, A lesson to remember to shut down the engine and take the key: Priceless.

雖然我原意

2009-02-19T18:12:00.000+08:00

I like this song but sadly can't find its MV.

Gratitude

2009-02-13T15:08:00.004+08:00

Last month a kid from the class I taught during contract teaching texted me. He asked if and when I am going back to teach them.

I told him I don't know. My course is 1 year but I might not go back to the same school. He replied dejectedly saying that by the time I go back, if I do, he would have graduated. I told him that if he studies hard enough, he can get transferred to 4NA. In that case I might get to teach him in his last year.

He replied positively and without hesitation that he will do his best. Still he doubted his chances, attributing to the lack of good teachers. I assured him that the teachers are good and rebutted him in saying that it is his own responsibility to do well. If the teachers can't help him then he should help himself.

Surprisingly he responded well to that too. So we had an agreement; if he truly tries his best for the 'N' Levels, I will try my best to go back to teach him again.

I am glad. At least one is inspired.

Moving Around

2009-01-13T01:05:00.004+08:00

In anticipation of the coming Chinese New Year, I did something that I have not done for quite a while; I redecorated my room.

It's nothing like Dan's refurbishing of his room. There were no paint jobs, no new furniture. It was just a whole lot of moving things around and throwing things away.

I never knew I had that much stuff. Well I did but it didn't seem so much. I'm only halfway through and already out of shelf-space.

Chinese New Year's not the only reason why I started this project. You see, in recent years, due to my brother's marriage and my sister's moving out, my room has sort of become the de facto storeroom. There are so many of non-Wee Loon artifacts in here that everytime I wanted to clean it up, I didn't know where to start because I couldn't just throw out their stuff.

As a result, after much brainstorming, I came up with the idea to partition a part of my room as a storeroom. So today I set out to do just that and at the same time do some spring cleaning.

It turned out great. I have a bigger room than I thought. When the mess gets out of the way I should get quite a roomy and comfortable space to call my own. Plus I got reconciled with quite a few CDs that I haven't listened to in a long time. Now I'm enjoying Craig David's first album.

"Six o'clock in the morning wiped the sleep off my eyes.... Felt just like an ordinary day... Just around the corner such a surprise... Beautiful angel materialised..."

2009

2009-01-11T04:51:00.004+08:00

Like a flash of lightning, 2008 flew by. Before I know it, the second week of 2009 is over.

During these past week, things looked a little different. Just like the movie "Yes Man", I have become somewhat different recently. I was for the past few years - I can't remember what I was like further back - less spontaneous.

Recently i have been going out a lot more. I do things more readily, went out more with my friends, accept movies invitation more often, been drinking every other day. I swim and play soccer every week. I finished a marathon. I went for NCC course when i wasn't even a confirmed education officer. I look forward to joining more stuff. Things just seemed different. I even made donations to NUS for people that I don't even know.

Of course these things come with a price. My credit card bills are higher, I am even more short of money. I can't get a lot of things done cause I'm already always doing something. But these are beside the point. The point is there is something different. And I can't quite put it down as good or bad. It just feels weird.

School Life

2009-01-11T04:41:00.002+08:00

Barely six months out of school and I'm back in again. I know people have said this many times but I have to repeat it again; being in school is way better than being in work.

First week of orientation's over and NIE seems to be a nice enough place, the distance not withstanding. 36KM is a long distance to travel on any day.

The timetable's out and it's pretty relaxed so far. At first glance my days are almost filled. On a closer look the classes are staggered and the two halves of the semester are quite different.

One of the course that I have to take is GESL (pronounced guess-tle). It's short for Group Endeavour Service Learning. It's basically a community involvement project where we try to do something for a selected beneficiary. When we went through the briefing, they said that we have to learn to do something altruistic. I wondered how altruistic is GESL when we're all made to do it. Food for thought.

Next week lessons will start. Pretty exciting as I have almost forgotten how it is like to be a student, short as the time is since I graduated from NUS. Can't wait.

HCMC Trip Lookback

2009-01-11T04:24:00.004+08:00

After many travels to the far away land of Europe, I finally made it last month to the neighbourhood.

Ho Chi Minh city is a vibrant city in the South of Vietnam and one of the largest Vietnamese city. The pity is that I did not get to see the city like I wanted to. The stay was restricted in the main tourist district of District 1 and activities were down to mundane stuff like the Big Market meant for the locals to extend their hands into the pockets of rich tourists.

The highlight of this trip was no doubt Raymond's wedding. I am proud and honoured to be, in his words, the only friend who can attend his weddings to his Vietnamese bride three times.

The ride to Long Xuyen was long and bumpy. We passed by villages and towns filled with students on bicycles, more canals than there are in Venice and roads damaged by the seasonal flooding. In the bride's hometown, we tasted firsthand Vietnamese hospitality and food, witness Vietnamese customs and basically had a lot of fun.

In HCMC itself though, it wasn't that much fun. It was partly due to the travelling crowd. I had originally intended for this to be a small family trip with my parents. They having sponsored and supported my previous trips to faraway Europe. It was my way of treating them back; to show them how I travel and to let their hair down.

In the end it became a trip of six, with my aunt and her husband and my uncle as well. Not that it was not nice to have them along; more adults meant that it was easier on my pocket. However, it also meant that more accommodation was needed. Uncle Chun has high blood pressure and was a little big. This meant that we couldn't go very far. Aunt and her husband were more interested in shopping. Not to mention that he's difficult to please.

As a result I never got to see the whole city. I wanted to just walk around the city and explore the nooks and crannies. Sit down and have a coffee, or beer and just people-watch. Visit museums and take in the history and sights. All these were not possible.

At the end it felt like I never step foot on HCM. I just can't strike it off my list yet. I hope I'll get to go there again. Of course the next time, knowing some Vietnamese will help. I kept getting mistaken as a local anyway. I really have no idea why.

Standchart Marathon 2008

2008-12-13T15:42:00.004+08:00

It's over. I did it. I have completed my first marathon ever. Finally one more item on my to-do list struck off. I have to admit; I underestimated the marathon. 42KM is no joking matter. I only actually managed to run for 10 plus kilometres. From 10 plus to 30 plus it was run and walk. By the time I reached the last 10 plus kilometres, I could barely manage walking.

This would explain why none of the pictures show me running. These were taken during the last leg of the marathon. By then I could only walk. Running was impossible with the pain and fatigue in my legs. More than once I almost gave up, encouraged only by the presence of my friend Shi An who was walking with me and waiting for me.

This marathon was one of many firsts. It was, of course, my first marathon ever. It was also the first time that I had applied so much deep-heat rub on me. It was the first time that I laid down and slept on the road. Certain points during the marathon I was so tired that I just laid down on the road, not giving a damn what was happening.

It was, in Shi An's words, not a marathon. It was not even a Walk-a-Jog. I had brought it up to a higher level. We were doing a Walk-Jog-and-Sleep.

Fooled be not by the pictures. Though we look like we were "sashaying"; Though it looks as though we look like we were taking a stroll through town, a walk-in-the-park this marathon was not. Beneath the smiles and laughter, we were in fact in excruciating pain. Pain that got worse and lasted for 2 additional days after the marathon.

All in all it was a unique experience. Somewhere between 20KM and the end I started questioning my decision to join this in the first place. I exclaimed with conviction that I will not ever join this again. Now that it's over, I am beginning to think that I might do it again. Just to better my time. On the other hand, 7-and-a-half hours is not a difficult timing to beat. Maybe it's true; the marathon is addictive. I do, however, need to be better prepared.

NIE beckons

2008-12-02T23:56:00.003+08:00

Yes! It finally came. After weeks of waiting and longing, at last I received the letter for NIE.

Starting January, I will go back to school; to learn how to teach.

The Office Party

2008-12-02T23:42:00.004+08:00

In the words of Eunice, we have cultivated an "expensive habit". Indeed it is the third show I have seen recently and the tickets are not cheap.

The Office Party is a sexually-charged play about a group of people working in Chapman and Howard. It was basically about their relationships with each other, their individual problems and how it all interwined.

Overall it was enjoyable, though I sometimes got lost in the thick accent spouted by the Caucasian actors. Some of the jokes also required contextual understanding, which meant that I was left scratching away while the "ang mohs" in the crowd were laughing away. This meant that I wasn't able to enjoy the show as much as I would like to.

Pity. It would otherwise have been a rather witty and fun-filled evening.

Blogging

2008-12-02T22:54:00.002+08:00

Blogging is an extremely time-consuming activity. There are just so many things to write about.

Everytime I come across something interesting, I feel like penning it down. Sometimes that can be a lot. So much so that I went the other direction and wrote nothing down.

How the hell do all these bloggers find the time to sit down in front of their computers and type away?

Singapore Zoo

2008-11-28T19:01:00.003+08:00

I went to the Singapore Zoo yesterday.

The last time I did that was I think 15 years ago. 15 years is a long time. The only memory I have of the last visit was monkeys running away with my packet of tidbit.

It was quite interesting to visit the zoo after so long. There were many things to see. Best of all, it's free. MOE corporate pass, I like.